My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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