why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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