Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
