i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
