haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
