literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
