This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
