every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
