my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
