She is in my trunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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