I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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