Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
