i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Randomize
