Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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