Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
