last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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