He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
