If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
