I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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