Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
