he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
