She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
