I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
