no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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