I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
