Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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