You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
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