I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
