We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
