Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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