I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
