Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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