Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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