Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
