You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
