I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
