New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
smell my finger.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
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