maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
he laminated a picture of his dick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
