Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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