ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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