What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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