There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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