a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
