Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
