Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
