I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
His nipple licking is glorious
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