dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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