Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize