you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
