Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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