I puked a lego.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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