can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
