if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
