At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
