Got a toothbrush?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
They took my balls.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
