how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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