Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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