it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i dont even know how to be here
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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