Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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