There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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