I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Someone shit on the floor
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
