No more Irish car bombs ever.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
