As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
