I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
