Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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