walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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