Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
