Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
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