I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i need some magic done to my vagina
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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