Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
