It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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