U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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