You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
