The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
