remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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