I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
