Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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