i will never coherently bang her
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
