Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
