so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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