Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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