By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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