Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
