Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
