I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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