you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
